There is so much information about “unhealthy” relationships, red flags, toxic relationships, and more in society today. The emphasis on problematizing or pathologizing other people definitionally disconnects us from the potential of understanding our own story in those contexts.
We put more time in policing other people’s behaviours than actually developing self-awareness and using that awareness to either increase connection or seek distance, protection, and/or better boundaries.
This other-focussed way of thinking distances you from your own story. That distance prevents you from connecting to your own self-definition. This is one way to avoid dealing with your own stuff. It gets in the way of not only understanding yourself but it’s actually not helping you understand others.
If you’re confused and encountering conflict, instead of trying to analyze the other person – simply ask! Be curious! That’s the only way we can understand other people. Inquire about their inner world. Ask about the feelings and experiences that define their internal world. Share yours! Communicate, negotiate, and explore the relational realm. The more you assume without confirming the more you disconnect and tap into your own unconscious story.
Do yourself and everyone around you a favor and let go of the hyper analysis of your partners and friends. Instead, explore the relational anxiety implied in your analysis. Explore what it would mean to openly connect. Be vulnerable and ask for clarification when needed.
Stop analyzing other people.
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