Dear Zad: Threeways in a relationship, long-distance love, and a case of the ex.

Author: Josh Mayhew

Dear Zad is a comedy write-in column where readers can seek advice from their trusted Zad on all their gay dilemmas. Please note that Zad is not a licensed or qualified counsellor, but is qualified in not sugar-coating your petty dramas when you are having a full meltdown. You can find him shit-posting on Insta at @joshmayhewnyc.

Submit your problems to Zad anonymously using the box below! 

J***** in Santa Clarita writes:

Dear Zad,

My boyfriend has always mentioned that he used to play for both teams, and we do sometimes have guest stars in the bedroom for a little extra fun. But I was shocked when he came to me recently saying that he wanted to have a threesome with a straight girl. Being a gold star gay, I am absolutely turned off by this idea but it is something he really wants to try. What should I do?

Hey Jonas,

Look, I get it. A huge part of a sexual relationship is wanting to please your sweetie baby boo. But for fu*ks sake, threesomes can be psychological enough without the added pressure of bringing your best gal pal’s puss into the equation. Boundaries, baby! Identify them! If you are okay with the idea of throwin’ some cheese on the taco, then I fully support. Go all the way off. Tell your boyfriend that you’re down and get it crackin’.

But be warned, a rule of thumb for threesomes of any kind: unless you are 100% on board, it ain’t worth it. If it’s his fantasy and not yours, you may just find that the situation leaves you feeling like you are 14 again: watching a straight porno and feeling turned off at some bits and left out of it all.

Love,

Your Zad, @joshmayhewnyc

Ta**r in Ann Arbor writes: 

Dear Zad,

My boyfriend of 10 months just got offered a job on the other side of the country. Is 10 months enough time to want to try a long-distance relationship, or am I in over my head? Help!

Maybe the idea of attempting long distance makes you feel like some kind of prehistoric moron, BUT a wise old homo (not me, sadly) once said: in every situation, you always have a choice. 

So when it comes to you and your sweetie darling of 10 months, the choice is pretty clear: Try long distance or blow that sh*t up like you’re in a gas station bathroom. Now, although trying long distance could be an embarrassing failure that unravels into a maelstrom of jealousy and cheating and lies, you will always have peace knowing that you did all you could. (The greatest gift for a suffering heart!) Otherwise, ask yourself: if you’re single and alone and bitter five years from now, will you spend the rest of your life wondering what could have happened if you had at least tried?

The point is: go with your gut. Always. But tread with caution and remember: if you never try, you’ll never know. 

Love,

Your Zad, @joshmayhewnyc

L***e in Hazelton writes:

If I’m afraid that my boyfriend still has feelings for his ex, who wants to come in town and stay with us when he visits the city. I don’t want to be that controlling, bitchy boyfriend… should I let his ex stay with us?

Hi Lance,

No. Lol.

Love,

Your Zad