Dear Zad: straight guy crushes, body issues and sugar daddies

Author: Josh Mayhew

Dear Zad answers all your LGBTQ+ dilemmas

NOTE: Zad is not qualified in anything. Just a sassy gay with a LOT of opinions.


Max in Cardiff writes:

Hey Zad, I’m crushing on a straight guy and no matter what I do I can’t seem to get over it. I’ve already tried distancing myself from him and not thinking about him, but it just doesn’t work. Any suggestions?

Hey there loverboy!

Kinda sounds like you gotta just see this one through until it passes, eh?

Not thinking about him has revealed itself to just be procrastination in disguise, and professing your love to a straight man only really has a positive outcome in Ambien dreams and Sean Cody scenes. Except this isn’t a dream, and an actor wasn’t pulled off the Daytona boardwalk and given $35 to film a scene in a sex offender’s basement.


Great news, though! Realistically, gays ain’t even got an attention span long enough to get past the second page on Pornhub, let alone stay crushin’ on one thing for too long.. especially one that has no viable outcome.

And while you may validly be hard-up for your hetero hottie, have you also considered that maybe you’re fixating rn on the unattainable because the well kinda dry at the moment?


Let’s be honest – the minute someone cute and gay comes across your radar you’ll be leaving your straight cohort far behind, with his girlfriend that has uneven eyebrows and subpar sloppy toppy. 


So until then, feel how ya feel, keep makin’ him the subject of your nut seshes (the most modern day love letter in our culture) BUT don’t be afraid to keep your eyes peeled for other options, and be confident in the fact that eventually it will pass when sum’n else cute,  caked up, and *available* comes along.

Love, Your Zad (@JoshMayhewNYC

Brad in Maryland writes:

Hey Zad,

Pride really took its toll on me from a body positive standpoint. Although I thought I was on top of my diet/fitness, when I went out to the Pride parties I felt extremely out of shape, and therefore extremely out of place. Now I pretty much feel like what’s the point to even trying to get in shape if I can’t even get close to these other guys. Help zad 🙁

Hey bbe,

Oy, yes, the dreaded body stuff. Just like having the best style, having the most talent, being the cutest, the richest, and the otherwise absolute best at everything (besides being on time) it is a plague that seems to be built directly into our lil gay genomes.


Trust me, if I could hand out little circuit party pills that just erased dysmorphic thoughts from all the sweetie babies, I’d be sellin’ that sh*t myself at the Atlantis Cruise merch table.

Sadly, it really do be that way and you don’t need an ole meme zad like me to sit here and tell you that social media is “cOnStANtLy sHOwiNg Us FaKe anD uNrEaLiStiC iMaGeS.” We definitely all get it.


A few things though that I’ve found can reset perspective a bit in tough moments: 

1- Pulling up a pic from the past – one from before you began your current wellness/fitness routine. Keep that photo on hand and look at it when you’re havin’ a shite body day… and don’t tell me it won’t make you realize how far you’ve come. Seeing yourself everyday in the mirror can rob you of that.  


2- A lot of these boys out here have had fitness journeys that have lasted for literally ten years, and they are on step 10/10 (and they still have goals!) Comparing your step 2 to someone else’s step 10 can cause one of those super fun shame spirals for no reason.


And lastly: Do the best that you can, and do what makes you happy. If that means pushing yourself to see how far you can chisel your physique, do it! If that means not working out at all, that’s also perfect. But be kind to yourself, because you’re doin’ great. Our bodies are doin’ a LOT for us on the daily, and we ain’t even barely givin’ it no water.


Love, Your Zad (@JoshMayhewNYC


Tony in Albright writes:

Dear Zad,

This is a little awkward, but I can call a spade a spade and admit that I’m not very good-looking. As hard as that has made being in the gay world for me, let me be blunt about the catch: I’m rich. I do know that sugar daddy culture is a very real thing, but how can I bring up that I have the ability to support a guy without making it all about that? I know it sounds bad, but I’m pretty sure having money will make up for not having the looks, and I do still want something real. Any tips?

First off, if it ain’t your Dear ole Zad breakin’ on through to dispense advice among the sugar daddy elite! It truly is the payoff, for me. Secondly, where was your lil sugar-dad-ass way back when I was a broke 23-year-old subsisting exclusively off dollar slices? Because g*ddamn.


All jokes aside, I def hear your dilemma and think you raise a point about transactional currency in the gay community. In a group so stimulated by physical appearance, I’d be a big ole dumdum to think that having fundz doesn’t give you a certain level of power and access.


While I for sure support those who consensually engage in monetarily-arranged relationships (because why not, right?), you seem to be suggesting that you are truly looking for a partner-level relationship with meaningful companionship.

My only callout here would be to tread carefully around advertising your wealth too much from the jump, since it could lead to murkiness around knowing if someone’s true interest is YOU, or on dat bank account.

Suggesting your financial situation in more natural ways may speak louder, may seem more humble, and may open more doors for you to eventually reveal that you can support the right person if things develop in that direction. 

The bigger piece here though, my lil sugar daddy, is you feeling worthy and cute and like you can still hold your own despite your moneys. And in my opinion, that starts with getting right with how you see yourself.


Maybe take a Real-housewives-style mid-season break to focus on “doing you.” (As much as that sounds like advice from the sassy, almost-pretty best friend in any movie during the 2000s.) Take a sec to continue developing your own habits, hobbies, and points of enjoyment. Truly though, I think spendin’ time just doing what we love without others can help not only form and enjoy who we really are, but it means others will enjoy who we are too. Then you’ll really be givin’ your literal money a run for it’s money. 😉


But in the meantime, next time you’re in NYC, our $17 vodka-sodas are gonna be on YOU, papa!

Love, Your Zad (@JoshMayhewNYC


For more from Zad (aka Josh), he’s on Instagram right here Submit your own dilemmas in the box below…