Dear Zad: coming out tips, does size matter, and who orgasms first?

Author: Josh Mayhew

Got a LGBT+ dilemma? Why not ask Zad!

You can find Zad shit posting on Insta at @joshmayhewnyc and submit your dilemmas anonymously using the box below! 

NOTE: Zad is not qualified in… anything. He is simply your sassy agony uncle with a LOT of opinions.


Anon in Melbourne writes:

Hey Zad. Any tips for coming out? I feel like I should but I truly feel like now is the wrong time with other things going on.

Hey bbe,

Welcome to the party! Glad you could make it, but if you ain’t brought poppers and vodka then you’re in charge of driving our sloppy asses to Taco Bell later.

Speaking of Taco Bell and things that always seem like a great idea but can end up in a shitstorm of regret, I can understand your hesitation around how to come out.


Remember: the method you choose is up to YOU. Not the Hallmark Channel. Not Logo TV. Not Nicole Kidman playing a supportive but conflicted mother. YOU.


For years, coming out stories have been neatly packaged by the entertainment industry into 10 minute segments that have been edited for content and modified to fit your screen. And it ain’t always like that in real life. It can – although not always – be sloppy and non-linear and awkward and uncomfortable.

There was never a guidebook written for this, and out of a million billion gayz every single last one of them had a different scenario with different stakes involved. So all that means is, do your own thang!


I would say weigh the pros and cons of announcing this in your current circumstances. If history (as we watch it all crumble in real time) has taught us anything it’s that freedom and liberation can sometimes come at a price, but only you can determine if your current circumstances make that price worth it *at the moment.*

If you do decide that now is the right time, and so long as you are safe to, it can be anywhere from a literal group text to something printed on nice card stock to a whole goddamn party sponsored by Edible Arrangements – but hopefully knowing that it can all be on your terms will help you unlock some answers.


Assess which format of communication typically makes you feel the safest and prepare yourself ahead of time for a variety of different outcomes. No matter what you decide, remember that you are *that* bitch (as the kids say) and you got this.

Best of luck – we are rooting for you, bbe!


And hey, I’m not tellin’ you how to live your life but if you do decide to rent a confetti cannon from Spirit Halloween for the occasion, absolutely no one would be mad.

Love, Your Zad, @joshmayhewnyc


M**k from Vienna writes: 

Hi Zad,

I have a small co*k 🙁 and I feel like because of it I am not part of the community. Most of my chats with guys end up with my d*ck pic and them not wanting to hook up with me after seeing my size. Nobody wants me and I can’t even think about finding a partner. But worse than that, I just don’t feel accepted. 

What’s cookin’ goodlookin’?

So because I have a paralyzing caffeine addiction that prohibits me from sugar coatin’ Ima just whip it out and lay it on the counter for ya: That dick? It ain’t changin.’ Not never.

It ain’t like throwin’ a lil lipstick on, it’s the genetic reality of the situation and y’all are in it for the long haul.


Here is a lil afternoon tea: two of the most powerful forces in the gay world are dick size and confidence. Period.

One can possess both, just one, or none of them at all. And if you consider them like rings you collect in the Sega Genesis version of Sonic: The Hedgehog, the more rings you have the better, right? And one ring is always better than bein’ caught at the end of the level empty-handed.


The point: although you can’t control what you were born with, you can still make a choice in how you leverage it to your advantage. So you can:

1- be someone who is so confident and sure of himself that he doesn’t give a literal actual f*ck what he’s packing (a trait that could actually give you an incredible edge over some bigger guys whose dick game is weaker than an Applebee’s pina colada) And hey, when boys see what you’re packin’ in combo with how easily you’re owning it, you may just hold their interest more than you think.

OR 2 – let it be a source of embarrassment and be apologetic for it.


Of the two, which do you think will provide more solutions to your original dilemma of finding hookups and even potential partners?

Exxxxactly. Zad strikes again.


Tailor a couple confident-seeming statements ahead of sending pics that show your ease and humor and that you don’t take yourself too seriously. It may make it easier for you to find someone who will be attracted to your junk because its attached to you instead of just for your junk alone.


So to summarize: either own it and leverage that confidence to pull some tail, or apologize for it and watch that be the reason that your DMs be as dry as Kim Kardashian after seeing that Kanye texted yet again.

Love, Your Zad, @joshmayhewnyc


J***y in Brighton, U.K. writes:

Is it weird that I can’t EVER seem to orgasm until I know my boyfriend has orgasamed? It’s like a weird mental thing, unless he’s blown a load I simply cannot. Sometimes he really just wants to get me off but I cannot unless he has. Weird right? 

Boy, you better get an LLC and open up a pop-up in Times Square, because you’re about to have a line of men longer than one of those Olivia Rodriguez concerts, (or whoever does those songs that seems super upset.)


This may be one of the easiest questions I’ve ever received. Not because it means you don’t have a dilemma on your hands, but that it shows you are a lover who is actively invested in the experience with his partner. And I think if you took a poll at any happy hour, the data would reveal that that is an absolute commodity nowadays. There are guys out there who wouldn’t even know what foreplay was if it smacked them across the face with a trailer hitch.


Bottom line: it’s a good problem to have. Sex ain’t gotta be complicated, but focusing on the balance between giving and receiving a good time is always gonna make you win out in the end. You just tend to be on the more giving side, and the world prolly needs a few more of those in any event.


And hey, even if you don’t always bust, it’s arguably a better feeling to know when you’re goin to grab a towel that you did him in good while he’s just layin’ there cross-eyed like a SpongeBob meme.

Love, Your Zad, @joshmayhewnyc


For more from Zad (aka Josh), he’s on Instagram right here Submit your own dilemmas in the box below…