Would you eat the same meal every single night? Or would you switch it up after a while, look for different recipes, and maybe even get takeout? OBVIOUSLY WE SWITCH IT UP.
I can’t stop comparing sex and food. Because they are basically the same. Yet sex is filled with fear and shame – and for the most part (sorta kinda) food is not.
If you’re in a relationship—whatever the structure—and you feel safe with your partner explore your sexuality with that person. There is such great potential for connection, closeness, and intimacy that it’s sad not to. No matter how scared or uncomfortable you are – don’t miss the opportunity.
We have to think about our sexuality as one of the most vulnerable parts of who we are. If we experience a lack of sexual satisfaction with our partner – and do nothing, retreat, hide, and settle for less pleasure – there is a great deal of information waiting to be explored. This is usually connected to a history of withholding pleasure, fear of expressing our self-definition, shame of our sexual preferences/desires, and a lack of permission to want more sexually. This is often connected to self-worth, freedom, and power. Explore all of this – in fact – do it with your partner.
Get creative. Plan it. Talk about it. Savour it. Exploring kinks/prefs/desires doesn’t have to be whips and chains necessarily – I mean it totally can but it can be simple too – like a word, place, position, or activity like massaging. Think about sex like playtime – and let your mind and body wander to fun, joyful, and pleasurable places.
D’Bunked is written by Todd Baratz.
