First, it takes a lot of effort to date, meet someone, form a connection, and build a relationship. Don’t stop putting in that effort and don’t invest in the belief that if you try less it will happen. I guarantee you, the less work you put in the less likely you are to build intimacy. Period.
Second, relationship building is an experience overflowing with meaning. Telling someone that it will happen when you least expect has never helped someone who is dating and looking for love. It’s dismissive and shuts down the conversation – it quite literally it slams the door.
I agree – it often feels unexpected but not because of strategy but because the transition from being alone, to having a crush, and falling in love are such wildly different places – that it is a literal shock. Many people are dating whilst feeling terminally hopeless, exasperated, and definitionally alone. So when reality changes – it’s unexpected!
Erase this phrase from your vocabulary. Instead, show empathy when thinking/discussing dating experiences! Yah those nice things – compassion, empathy, and curiosity! Say something like, “Good for you for putting yourself out there. Dating can be so difficult. What has your experience been like so far?” Allow for a conversation and the development of meaning around dating experiences.
