Author: Todd Baratz
Solid plutonic relationships, bonds and connections are an essential part of the human condition. The importance isn’t rooted in the number you have, but the QUALITY. Here are a few tips for how to be the best adult friend you can be!
Be real and don’t stay on the surface. Cut through superficiality and work on getting to know the depths of each other’s internal worlds and history. Be curious, express interest, and have deep and meaningful conversations.
Be present, available, and interested during times of struggle. It’s important to not only give support but to open yourself up to receiving it. Anticipate each other’s needs and if confusion arises make sure to explicitly ask, “What can I do to support you?”
Be open to working through conflict in ways that feel safe and connective. All friendships will have hurdles and a variety of conflicts to overcome. Withholding leads to passive aggression and resentment – don’t do it. If something is bothering you talk about it asap and have the hard conversation.
Keep in touch, be reliable, dependable, honest, and consistent. If you’re going to be present in someone’s life show up when you say you’re going to show up and don’t disappear.
Respect each others boundaries. Not everyone wants to spend the same amount of time together, needs to communicate at the same frequency, or wants to do the same things.
Build each other up! Celebrate each others personal growth. Provide positive reinforcement, affirmation, and encouraging feedback.
DO NOT JUDGE or offer overly opinionated advice. Accept, respect and honor differences. If you have a judgment keep it to yourself. Work on validating each other’s experience, showing empathy, and compassion. That means really understanding what it’s like from the other person’s perspective while suspending your own biased perceptions. You may need to re-read this one.
It’s not a competition it’s a relationship. You’re there to build each other up, support, and have fun. Not compete with each other to see who is “better.” This is toxic – stay away from this dynamic.
Have fun and laugh. Do exciting and pleasurable things together.
Reread the no judging slide:
DO NOT JUDGE or offer overly opinionated advice. Accept, respect and honor differences. If you have a judgment keep it to yourself. Work on validating each other’s experience, showing empathy, and compassion. That means really understanding what it’s like from the other person’s perspective while suspending your own biased perceptions. You may need to re-read this one.
Todd Baratz is a licensed personal and couples psychotherapist, podcast host, and writer who specializes in relationships and sex.
D’bunked strips down the myths surrounding gay sex, intimacy, relationships and love and is brought to you by The GLUE.