Author: Mark Bittlestone
Mark Bittlestone is a stand-up comedian. He is also very gay man. Just a very gay man, doing a lot of straight-up gay stuff.


3) Get boozed.
Not to try turn y’all into alcoholics but this is really a must, to be totally honest. There’s many things that are hard without alcohol, such as talking to family, first dates, or my cock; but karaoke is essentially impossible. You need to be inhibition-free to belt out Maria McKee’s ‘Show me Heaven’ in front of your boss of three months.
4) Less is more.
For a booth I think 6 people is the optimal amount. Any fewer and it is slightly tragic (though once you’ve got past singing in a private karaoke booth I suppose you’re so far deep in tragedy – incidentally Tragedy by the Bee Gees is a cracking, though v difficult, karaoke choice – that I guess a little bit more is negligible) but any more and you’re gonna be waiting for HOURS for your song to come round and then you’ll get frustrated like me and steal people’s turns and then everyone will get mad at you and storm out leaving you in the booth on your own where you’ll sing out the allotted 100 minutes of hired time by yourself as you get drunker and drunker on sambuca…never happened to me though…*
5) Book an extra hour.
You’ll want it. Seriously. It’ll take y’all a while to warm-up but once the tunes and the booze is flowing like oat milk in a Gen Z apartment you will be LIVID that whichever anus booked it only booked 90 minutes like PUR-LEASE we need 3 hours!!
*not
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