Historically there have been a lot of things in the past that have been purported to make you gay. Whether it’s playing with dolls, liking a certain Rihanna jam or enduring a rectal shafting… the reasons are endless. Never before, however, has a world saving, global pandemic beating vaccine been accused of such a heinous crime. Until now.

Welcome to the crazy stage one Ayatollah Abbas Tabrizian who has decided that anyone who has the life-saving jab should be avoided at all costs, considering it might turn them gay. We’re unsure whether this is a desired outcome of the injection or an unwanted side-effect at this point.

The notoriously un-informed cleric has already shunned western medicine but has been quoted in the Jerusalem Post as saying “Don’t go near those who have had the COVID vaccine. They have become homosexuals.”

Being gay is punishable by death in Iran and it is reported that thousands of LGBT+ citizens have been murdered under Sharia Law since the Islamic Revolution in 1979.

Ironically, Iranian dissident Sheina Vojoudi also spoke to the Jerusalem Post saying that Tabrizian’s claims were “nonsense” and completely contradictory seeing as the regime leaders had already had a Pfizer jab themselves.

Shit, I hope they know they’re gay now.