Authors: The Homo Sapien Experience
They say blood is thicker than water. Family is forever. If any of you agree with this, could you please come pick up my family to-go. I’ve left them some nice goodies for the road and their favorite toys. I can’t possibly deal with them anymore.
HA! Oh family. As many of us single Kweens return home for the holidays, we are again subjected to many prying questions like: Are you dating these days? Meet any cute guys these days? Did you know Benjamin from your 5th grade science class is gay and has a doctor husband and they live in a loft in the West Village, why can’t you be like him? But it’s times like these that make you think. How nosy is your family?
Single queers must face the ultimate test of going home. Hiding in plain sight from the apex predator themselves: Loving Mothers.
When you date someone new, even just a casual flirt, one MUST keep these facts a secret or else you find yourself asking your mother why she’s planning seating arrangements for a wedding you know nothing about. You yell for help across the battlefield for your ally hetero siblings to take deep wounds and strikes for your safety, leaving you bloodied and bruised through your 5th cup of Holiday Juice (vodka soda).
The truth is, you will never win. She will alwaysfind you. No one can hide from and outlive the Mother of Loving Dragons. She can see your joy, she can smell your DMs, she can taste the sweat in the air from the fear that she will strike at any moment and ask the ultimate question that Queers everywhere dread: Are you seeing anyone new?
Behind the Scenes
Oh we are just SO GLAD this one finally came out. We’ve been sitting on this footage for over a year! I filmed this last year with my family around the holidays. Just us, alcohol, an iPhone and A LOT of cuts and actions! There is a lot of beautiful truths that come with this sketch. I am so lucky to have the world’s most loving and supportive family. My mother (who is as shy as they come) was so giddy to finally be in a HomoSapien sketch. She was SO nervous it was adorable. But I had to laugh and tell her that she was actually the one that inspired it.
Personally, I can’t even look at a profile long enough for my Mom to ask who I’m looking at, their height, horoscope, 401K information. It’s the biggest blessing and it really makes us all laugh. We’ve all come to an agreement that I’m not allowed to tell my family I’m seeing someone until a 2-3 month mark because she gets SO excited, it ultimately breaks her when/if it doesn’t work out.
My sister, the Princess herself, was able to really dive deep and explore her character as a protective, nosy, wine drinking older sister who loves to gossip. SUCH a stretch. To be honest, she’s the one who got me into acting (and gossip) in the first place, so I was honored to have a full circle moment with her.
I’m sure there will be many more appearances from the Queen and Princess of my family tree. As a product of such dramatic and stunning humans, I’m sure I’ll be ready too. I feel that any moment now, I’ll get a text from both of them saying, “We’re ready for our close-ups…”
Matt Curiano and Brandon Contreras are the creators of The Homo Sapien Experience, a Queer sketch comedy platform that shares stories of the human experience, emphasis on the “Homo”. Along with their fellow friends, artists and community, they continue to create content that uplifts and celebrates the LGBTQIA+ experience, encouraging its authentic visibility around the world.
Join them on this wild ride known as The Homo Sapien Experience.
Follow them on Instagram here!